Saturday, January 03, 2009

bud light poem

[this poem appeared in the Spring 2008 issue of EPIC]

this is a Bud Light poem,
as requested.

it is low calorie.
you will not gain weight
reading this poem.
this poem still looks good in a bikini
after all these years.

it is zesty
delightful
affordable
and available
everywhere poems are sold.

(CAUTION:
pregnant women should not read this poem.
please do not drive after reading this poem.
please do not provide this poem to minors
or conservative congressmen.
do not post this poem on facebook,
as potential employers may be watching.
consider this a warning.)

since you are in our target demographic,
you may have seen this poem
advertised on TV.
honestly, we know
this poem looks better with actors.
but since this poem lowers inhibitions
after a while
it’ll make you look good, too.

we’ve also heard some connoisseurs say
that this poem is not “poetic.”
so what?
this is not a Guinness poem.
this poem is cheap.
there are symbols,
we’ll leave it at that.
(hint: disable the pop-up blocker
on your browser.)

not that you need symbols.
this poem has pathos, buddy.
this poem has everything America is about.
this poem fills vast seas of loneliness,
and it makes it look easy.
“poetic”?
yeah. we’re all literary here
so we know what we’re talking about.
the next time you’re cracking open a Bud Light poem
just remember:
if T.S. Eliot was so smart
then why is he dead?

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